I’m afraid of the dark

I have always preferred opposites

 

Noise to complete silence

 

Smiles instead of tears

 

Light instead of the dark

 

All that is true-I can’t sleep in a room of complete darkness ( I’ll admit it I am afraid of the dark). Still I am walking through a pit of darkness and came out on the other side and to the glorious light.

 

We all have a story to share. There is a part of my story I don’t share; I honestly forget it is part of MY STORY.

The past seven years have held some fantastic memories and also some memories I would rather forget. Like what happened in me after high school graduation. I was homeschooled until that fateful day in May 2015, when I graduated. As my friends were falling in love with their universities, I was falling deeper into a pit of depression. I began to doubt whether my homeschool education was enough to get me through life and I honestly was struggling with the thought of ending my life. I remember the exact day; when Satan whispered in my head that this was my last day. Silly Satan, look at what the Spirit can do.

I could never plug the trigger of gun to take myself out that way, too messy. However, I definitely could drown myself in the pond behind our house. I was home alone that day, when I am confident Satan told me this was the day. I have always dreamed of penning novels, but I never thought that I would pen a suicide note. I realized ‘I’m sorry.’ Really doesn’t cut it before you kill yourself. I thought screw the note, I was on the way out the door to get the cinder block from the john boat we keep for fishing. I remember the exact spot I was when the Holy Spirit gave me an image of my mom crying over me when I wasn’t sitting in front of the TV, but floating in the “lake”. That image wrecked me, I turned my butt around and sat down in front of the TV. Thank God I made that move.  That was seven years ago, and I am just now shedding light on that part of my past. Seven is the number of completion in the Bible. The reason I have been silent on this particular part of my past is I believe I needed to live seven years in God’s glorious light to have the courage to expose the darkest skeleton in my closet.

“But I have spared you for a purpose-to show you my power and to spread my fame throughout the earth.”-Exodus 9:16 (NLT)

The Spirit hasn’t stopped leading my life since that day and I am so thankful. In the seven years that have preceded that momentous day, I have curated some friendships that will last a lifetime. I have seen God move in way I didn’t expect. For the past two weeks, I haven’t written a word for the public to read. I did journal, but y’all ain’t reading that.  I hope and pray that writer’s block is behind me. I feel like God spared me to spread His name and fame through my words.

We all have a story to share, and they are so beautifully unique. If you are that person reading this that is struggling tonight. I want to encourage you to reach out to someone, your BFF, your mom, your brother/sister. Just tell someone other than your dog. Dogs love you, but you need to tell someone with skin. We weren’t made to struggle alone. We need people fighting with us!! Isolation is something from the Devil.

Let someone know your struggling. You were made for more, more light, more beauty!

Jesus loves you and I do to (so what we’ve never met, words over the miles)

Stay strong, 

MH

#blessed

Today  I am feeling blessed. 

Blessed that I don’t get the death that I deserve. Blessed by all the good things in my life.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”-James 1:17 NIV 

I could get off on a rabbit trail sharing all the good things I have been given, but there is one specific gift I have been given that I want to talk about today. 

There are many ships to sail on

But the best ship is friendship

Friendship will sail when the seas get scary, and the waters are calm

We will sail when we start to take on water, and bail it out together

This voyage is crazy, but its worth it to have a friend.

The friends I have in my life are such blessings. Such lights to my life. They make me a better version of me. Last year was a rough year for everyone. There was so much death, illness, isolation. It was a year we don’t want to repeat! Being isolated from my friends was beyond hard. I am a people person. Sheltering in place, became a whole lot tougher when I received a letter from my friend of over twenty years that she could no longer pursue our friendship. That was a blow I was NOT expecting. But it happened for a reason and has made me a stronger person for walking that path. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? Although, I knew in my heart that our friendship was going that way. We were on two different trains that were not headed in the same direction. It’s been a year I haven’t heard from her. She is getting ready for her wedding to a guy I haven’t met. That was a part of my life that happened and made me stronger for it. 

When 2021 dawned I was looking for friends high and low. I didn’t know that I was going to get blown out of the water with the friends I have now. I met these three individuals through my brother, Caleb, who is one of my best friends today. We have come a long way from fighting like cats and dogs to literal BFFs.

 “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.”-Ecclesiastes 4:9 ESV 

I stumbled across three amazing people, who I have the privilege to call friend. There is so much love in my heart for those three. I can’t put a word on it, but it makes my heart hurt in all the best ways. I genuinely care about each of these individuals. They will always have my support in whatever they do with their lives. To Evan, Kristen, and Noah, y’all make me a better version of myself. I am thankful to have each of you in my life. I am extremely grateful that y’all are on this ride with me. I feel so known and seen when I am around you.

I have been blessed beyond measure and the best is yet to come.