liFe

Waiting

You are working through this waiting
You will give me the strength to wait
You don’t waste waiting periods
You are working when I don’t feel it.
Working through the tears and fears
Send me comfort when the doubts try to seep in
The doubts that say I am not worth it
You say I am

Advertisements
liFe

God Only Knows

I have been pondering upon my future lately, which is silly. God only know what the future holds for me. only God know when and where I’ll be in one, five, ten years.

“My future is in your hands.”-Psalm 31:15

He is the only one who knows what is down the road for me. I can spend all my time trying to figure out my future or leave it in His capable hands. Honestly, that’s the last place, I think to leave it. I’ll beat the possibilities until they are tired.  I am a very future- minded individual. I think about my future husband, if I’ll have children, my future career, etc.

How stupid is it too be so focused on what may or may not happen?

God only knows what the future holds. He has seen our lives from being to end. (Psalm 139:16) if our desires are meant to be they’ll be. I am leaning on the promise of Psalm 37:4,

Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you your heart’s desires.” 

He doesn’t place a desire in our heart without the promise to fulfill it. Join in with me as we place all our hopes, and dreams, in His capable hands.

liFe

Grow

My word for 2018, is grow. The verse behind that word is 1 Corinthians 3:6,

“I planted the seed in your heart, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow.”

I first accepted Jesus, when I was seven. Then it was more of a peer pressure thing, than a yearning in my heart. At seven, the faith I had was passed down to me from my parents. In the years that followed, I was beaten by temptations that I gave into. I battled with depression and anxiety. I wasn’t anything like the person I am today.

In the February of 2014, is when I would say my journey with God began. I felt a yearning in my heart to accept Jesus, it was done of my own accord.  Even though I really recognized my need for a Savior, it didn’t mean those temptations quit and I never felt hopeless again. Soon after that I experienced the worst bout with depression I have had. It got so bad, I was writing my suicide note. Something stopped me from finishing it, and I’ll never regret not finishing it. That bout with depression was the worst time of my life, but it was also one of the best. I had to rely on Christ’s strength and believe He was still at within  me.

“My Father is always working and so am I.” –John 5:17

That was a hard season, but it prepared me for what was around the corner. The heartbreak of 2016, was a growing experience for sure. In 2017, I was trying to piece my heart back together after that heart break, it wasn’t working on my own. I had to come to a place of surrender and ask God, to take me and mold me into the person I needed to be. He was right there to rescue me and restore me.

“I entrust my spirit into your hand. Rescue me, Lord for you are a faithful God.”-Psalm 31:5

So that where I came from. That’s the starting point for my growth this year. In order to grow you have to know where you’re growing from.

In 2018, I want to grow in a faith of my own.

In 2018, I want to grow closer to my Savior.

In 2018, I want to grow into the person I need to be.

The best is yet to come…

 

liFe

Single?

Singleness is a gift.
If you told me that a year ago, I would have rolled my eyes and walked away. Amazing what a year can do. Last year I thought I found Mr. Right, but when said guy didn’t turn out to be all I wanted him to be. I was left depressed and in tears. I prayed that things would have worked out between us, but they didn’t. Looking back, I am extremely thankful that God didn’t answer that prayer. I had a lot to figure out about myself and let God have control of my problems.
“Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.”- Garth Brooks
I can attest to that quote 110 percent. I have prayed many times for certain things and they didn’t get answered. Or maybe they did. Sometimes God’s response to our prayers is not the solution we wanted. Sometimes His answer is no. I know that N-O is a “bad” word even for grownups. But sometimes it is necessary for transformation. The NO leads to TRANSFORMATION and that walks you into BIGGER and BETTER. That NO was hard for me to hear, but through that NO I met new friends who were there to help me along the way to TRANSFORMATION.
Discomfort is necessary for transformation.
Being on the other side of TRANSFORMATION, I have seen that I have drastically changed through the discomfort. Last night, I was thinking of my TRANSFORMATION and I am a completely different person than who I was on January 1st. The power of God has transformed my life and my heart. I believe I am on the path of BIGGER and BETTER.
During my Jesus time, reading my morning Proverb, I found this verse.
“If you fail under pressure, your strength is too small.” –Proverbs 24:10
The pressure of that season was tough, but I can see where I didn’t fail under the pressure. When I read that verse I immediately though of a diamond. First, you have to dig for a piece of coal, then it goes through a lot of pressure to become something pretty. Diamonds are girl’s best friend. Maybe that’s because we have to go through so much pain to get to the BIGGER and BETTER.
You are a treasure worth searching for. God might make you uncomfortable for a time, but the transformation is worth the pain and all the misery.
Beauty has dents and scars, don’t let anyone tell you different.

 

 

liFe

Orphaned Heart

I am adopted by the Creator of the world
I am no longer a slave to the flesh
He has rescued me
Never again do I have to be afraid of abandonment
His blood runs through my veins
He saw my orphaned broken heart
He gave me a name
I am a daughter of Abba Father
Even when this world gets crazy
He offers peace to comfort through the messiness

liFe

God Changes

I love to plan and make lists. I have a list for everything I do. From a daily to-do list to a life plan. I guess you can call me a control-freak, I like things to go the way I have planned them. I am a planner. Then God comes into the picture and repaints you plan with something bigger, better and more beautiful. Thomas Rhett has it right,

“You make your plans and you hear God laughing.”

In middle school, I had my life planned out exactly how I wanted it. I planned to go to the University of Georgia and double-major in journalism and photography. After my Memaw, who was my biggest supporter, my greatest friend, my original partner in crime, my confidant, my source of laughter, passed away I was left wondering what to do with myself. My dreams of going to UGA came crashing down. I didn’t want to set out on that voyage without Memaw’s support. The dream of college has been there on MY life plan since middle school. However just recently God came into the midst of MY life plan and said ‘Mary Hannah, you don’t need that. I have greater things planned for you. Things bigger and more detailed than anything you could ever plan. Just grab my hand and hold on.’

Life changes or should I say God changes your life, whenever He wants.

“We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”- Proverbs 16:9

My life plan now looks changed from what I thought I wanted. Some of God’s greatest gift are unanswered prayer. I can attest to unanswered prayers being some of God’s greatest gifts. That will be the topic of my next blog post, but today were sticking with God Changes.
Life can change like the wind, but there is always a purpose behind the God Changes. God changes are for your good, for your well-being. If God sends you to a new place or changes something in your life, He does it with a promise. The promise of a blessing. When God changes in my life, I literally shut down, pretend it’s not happening. It’s hard to believe there is a blessing on the other side of change. For a while there, I hate everything about change. When I dealt with change it meant the death of a beloved family member, so I wasn’t a fan (insert Change Hurts post) Change was never fun for me, but then I heard a pastor say,

‘Everything happens for a reason’

So there is a reason why God took my beloved Memaw and my humble, but famous Lea-Lea out of my life. My favorite person in the entire world (besides Jesus) I affectionately call, Mama Laura, has known me my whole life and when I go over to her house it’s like going home; anyway she told me

‘Something changes every day.’

That is so true. Something is different every day. Something changes every day (in Georgia it’s the weather), but the truth of that fact is the weather may change, the direction of the wind will change, but God never will. Malachi wrote, “I am the Lord, and I do not change.” (3:6) the author of Hebrews says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (13:8)
Everything in our life plans may change, but He never will. He will be there to hold you when the change is too much. To calm your storms when it gets too much. So, take courage He is there to calm your every fear.
Jeremiah recorded in Lamentations 3:22-23,

“The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh every morning.”

Through change and disagreements, God is still faithful. With every sunrise, His mercy is new. He is making a way for you.
Change hurts, but it happens for a reason. We have to believe that God has a plan for the transformation we’re going through.
My life plan today looks completely different than what it did in middle-school, I literally have no plan. I am freaking out, I don’t go with the flow easily. I like routine and structure, but God has the steering wheel and I am in the back seat with duct tape over my mouth, so I don’t give Him directions. He alone has the map of my life, which is a scary truth. I want the steering wheel and to give directions, but God is clearly saying

“No. I have better for you.”

“God can do anything, you know- far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, His Spirit deeply and gently at work within us.”-Ephesians 3:20 (MSG)

I am trusting that He has more for me than what I can currently see. This path may not be what I had planned, but God is in every detail of this journey.
“The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.” –Psalm 37:23-24

 

liFe

Brave

 

“Why do girls like flowers so much?” my discipler asked me.

 

“Well, if you think about it a rose can be like your heart; treat it right it’ll bloom or treat it badly it’ll shatter. And roses do shatter.”

 

Being the daughter of a florist I know that roses do indeed shatter apart. And what happens after that rose falls apart.

 

That conversation was the idea for a manuscript, I wrote about my rose, my heart. That would be why I haven’t posted in a while, I’ve been preoccupied composing that story. Something is missing in that story. That something is an update on my rose now. My rose has been borderline shattering and thriving through the years. My rose today, at this moment, is getting back to where it was this time last week.

 

My rose this week had a rock thrown at it, but is still together.

 

I was told I was brave and my thought was, ‘it’s not me’. God is making me brave. He is calling me out beyond the waves, where my feet may fail. You’ve never failed and won’t start now. Many times I have felt weak and unsteady, but He has come through for me. His power is made perfect in my weakness.

 

“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”- 2 Corinthians 12:9 He steadies me as I walk along the path that is bumpy.

 

“He lifted me of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.”- Psalm 40:2

 

He is making me brave. He is giving me the courage to what would be impossible without Him.

 

“For nothing is impossible with God.”-Luke 1:37

 

God is paving the way for me to make my impossible possible. That conversation wasn’t the most comfortable thing for me. That conversation wasn’t the easiest thing for me. I believe God gives us comfort zones to call us out of them. Brave is being called out of your comfort zone. It takes bravery to do a lot of things in life, but I never thought I would be described as such.

 

Brave is facing a battle on your own. I’m not brave. Bravery is men fighting fires and people protecting my freedom, not me. That said, I can see moments in my life where God was making me brave.

 

I was brave being poked with a needle as I held back my tears (on numerous occasions)

 

God is making me brave every time I give my testimony

 

I felt the courage being poured out for me during a hard conversation I had this past week. In said conversation I was dubbed the title, Brave.

 

God was making me brave. There is nothing I have done to deserve the title, Brave. All of that courage comes from God.

 

“So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you of you. He will neither fail you or abandon you.”-Deuteronomy 31:6

 

You make me brave to do the things that don’t feel right

 

You call me out upon the waters where my feet may fail

 

You’ve never failed and you won’t start now.

 

You are fighting for me and standing up for me.

 

“The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”-Exodus 14:14